Custom PC - UK (2021-09)

T

otally Accurate Battle Simulator (TABS) attempts

to answer pressing historical hypotheticals, such

as ‘who would win in a fight between pirates and

Vikings, assuming everyone was drunk?’ It’s a lightweight

strategy game where you pitch armies from various eras

against each other, then watch them stagger around like a

herd of fainting goats trapped on a bouncy castle.

There’s a campaign mode and a sandbox mode. Both

involve the same simple premise of selecting a bunch

of units from a range of different historical armies –

represented as googly-eyed mannequins with bodies made

of rubber – then pressing Fight, whereupon those armies

duke it out through a combination of simple AI and physics-

powered attacks. Sandbox mode lets you field both armies

how you like; the campaign mode sets you more specific

battle challenges, while giving you limited funds to build

armies that will overcome them.

TABS’ primary objective is simply to make you laugh, and

it does it well. The combination of pre-industrial weaponry

and fly-by-night physics transforms TABS into a natural

slapstick comedy generator. Armies flail pathetically at each

other with swords, spears and scythes, often before being

blown to smithereens by cannons and catapults.

TABS bolsters the humour with its creative interpretation

of military history. Cavemen can field giant mammoths that

will split any army in two with a well-timed charge, while the

Vikings can call upon Valkyries and Shamans who can send

enemies flying with devastating ice spells.

However, there’s genuine strategy beneath the silliness.

The campaign mode offers multiple campaigns, with the

various challenges demonstrating that the outcome of

a fight is dependent on the type of army you field. Ninjas

with shurikens will easily overwhelm medieval squires, but

will be torn to shreds by Viking Berserkers. Similarly, a few

strong units will be more vulnerable to artillery than a larger

force of weaker units spread across the battlefield.

It’s impressive how much TABS gets out of its simple

premise. The campaign mode is stuffed with quickfire

missions, each of which are just complex enough to provide

some challenge without ever being obstructive. Beyond

this, there’s a fully fledged multiplayer mode, which has a

strategic silliness with strong whiffs of Worms Armageddon.

TABS also features tonnes of community-created content,

ranging from new challenges to whole new army-types.

Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is ideal for when you

don’t know what to play. It’s immediate enough for you to

jump in and out without a lingering sense of obligation, but

it also has just enough strategic depth to facilitate longer

play sessions. Instantly accessible, surprisingly compelling

and more fun than a chocolate factory invaded by puppies,

Totally Accurate Battle Simulator is a must-have.

RICK LANE

/VERDICT

TABS’ ridiculous

pick-up-and-

play strategy

is a breath of

fresh air.

OVERALL SCORE

89 %

TOTALLY ACCURATE BATTLE

SIMULATOR/ £ 14.99 inc VAT

DEVELOPER Landfall / PUBLISHER Landfall

TA B S

+^ Very funny

+^ Surprisingly

coherent strategy

+^ Good variety

in challenges

STAB

(^) - Not much
here if you don’t
like slapstick
c
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stom P
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PR
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