The Coaching Habit

lean confidently in. “So,” you ask, “what’s on your mind?”
It comes tumbling out. “There’s the website project—we’ve
only been going for three weeks, and we’re already a month
behind. And Alberto’s acting up again, confusing ‘radio silence’ for
communication. We can’t get any response from marketing about
the launch, and I’m anxious about the budget for Project Tropic
Thunder. And when I was driving in today, my engine started
making this weird ‘tock tock tock’ sound...”
Now, if you’ve ever seen someone playing the Australian
aboriginal instrument called the didgeridoo, you’ll realize that the
musician has an extraordinary ability to keep blowing out air
without seeming to ever take a breath. Circular breathing means
he can inhale through his nose while exhaling through his mouth.
Try it. It feels impossible to do. But clearly not for this person.
“What’s on your mind?” has unleashed a seemingly unending
stream of things he’s worried about.
You may also have mastered the second of the Seven Essential
Questions. But there’s no way you’re going to ask “And what
else?” at this stage. You’re already overwhelmed.
With every problem listed, you feel a little uptick of anxiety.
Anxiety and satisfaction. Because with this many problems, you’re
clearly in a position to help out in so many ways with a rich
plethora of advice. The only question is where to start: with the
first challenge mentioned, or with the one for which you’re most
confident about providing the answer.
Or—here’s your new habit—none of the above. Instead of
moving into advice-giving, solution-providing mode, you ask the