Theyaremoreinterestedin"objects"and"things"ratherthanpeopleandfeelings.EventodayonEarth,
while women fantasize aboutromance, men fantasize aboutpowerfulcars, faster computers,gadgets,
gizmos, andnew morepowerfultechnology Men arepreoccupiedwiththe"things"thatcanhelpthem
expresspowerbycreatingresultsandachievingtheirgoals.
AchievinggoalsisveryimportanttoaMartianbecauseitisaway forhimtoprovehiscompetenceand
thusfeelgoodabouthimself. And for him tofeelgood abouthimselfhemustachievethesegoalsby
himself. Someone else can't achieve them for him. Martians pride themselves in doing things all by
themselves.Autonomyisasymbolofefficiency,power,andcompetence.
Understandingthis Martian characteristic can help women understand why men resistso much being
correctedorbeingtoldwhattodo.Toofferamanunsolicitedadviceistopresumethathedoesn'tknow
what to do orthathe can't doiton his own. Menare very touchy about this, becausethe issueof
competenceissoveryimportanttothem.
Becauseheishandlinghisproblemsonhisown,aMartianrarelytalksabouthisproblemsunlessheneeds
expertadvice.Hereasons:"WhyinvolvesomeoneelsewhenIcandoitbymyself?"Hekeepshisproblems
tohimselfunlessherequireshelpfromanothertofindasolution.Askingforhelpwhen youcandoit
yourselfisperceivedasasignofweakness.
However,ifhetrulydoesneedhelp,thenitisasignofwisdomtogetit.Inthiscase,hewillfindsomeone
herespectsandthentalkabouthisproblem.TTTTaaaallllkkkkiiiinnnnggggaaaabbbboooouuuuttttaaaapppprrrroooobbbblllleeeemmmmoooonnnnMMMMaaaarrrrssssiiiissssaaaannnniiiinnnnvvvviiiittttaaaattttiiiioooonnnnffffoooorrrr
aaaaddddvvvviiiicccceeee....AnotherMartianfeelshonoredby theopportunity.Automatically heputsonhisMr.FIX_Ithat,
listensforawhile,andthenofferssomejewelsofadvice.
This Martian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when women talk about
problems.Whenawomaninnocentlysharesupsetfeelingsorexploresoutloudtheproblemsofherday,a
manmistakenlyassumessheislookingforsomeexpertadvice.HeputsonhisMr.Fix_Ithatandbegins
givingadvice;thisishiswayofshowingloveandoftryingtohelp.
Hewantstohelpherfeelbetterbysolvingherproblems.Hewantstobeusefultoher.Hefeelshecanbe
valuedandthusworthyofherlovewhenhisabilitiesareusedtosolveherproblems.
Oncehehasofferedasolution,however,andshecontinuestobeupsetitbecomesincreasinglydifficultfor
himtolistenbecausehissolutionisbeingrejectedandhefeelsincreasinglyuseless.
Hehasnoideathatbyjustlisteningwithempathyandinteresthecanbesupportive.Hedoesnotknow
thatonVenustalkingaboutproblemsisnotaninvitationtoofferasolution.