HEALINGNEGATIVEFEELINGS....................................................................................................
Understandingandacceptinganother'snegativefeelingsaredifficultifYourownnegativefeelingshavenot
beenheardandsupported.Themoreweareabletohealourownunresolvedfeelingsfromchildhoodthe
easieritis responsibly toshareour feelingsand to listen to ourpartner'sfeelings without beinghurt,
impatient,frustrated,oroffended.
Themoreresistanceyouhavetofeelingyourinnerpain,themoreresistanceyouwillhavetolisteningto
thefeelingsofothers.Ifyoufeelimpatientandintolerantwhenothersexpresstheirchildlikefeelings,then
thisisanindicatorofhowyoutreatyourself.
Toretrainourselveswemustreparentourselves.Wemustacknowledgethatthereisanemotionalperson
insideuswhogetsupsetevenwhenourrationaladultmindsaysthereisnoreasontobeupset.Wemust
isolatethatemotionalpartofourselfandbecomealovingparenttoIt.Weneedtoaskourselves"What's
thematter?Areyouhurt?Whatareyoufeeling?Whathappenedtoupsetyou?Whatareyouangryabout?
Whatmakesyousad?Whatareyouafraidof?Whatdoyouwant?"
Whenwelistentoourfeelingswithcompassion,ournegativefeelingsquitemiraculouslyarehealed,and
weareabletorespondtosituationsinamuchmorelovingandrespectfulway. By understanding our
childlikefeelingsweautomaticallyopenadoorforlovingfeelingstopermeatewhatwesay.
Ifaschildrenourinneremotionshadbeenrepeatedlyheardandvalidatedinalovingway,thenasadults
wewouldn'tgetstuckinnegativeemotions.Butmostofusweren'tsupportedthiswayaschildren,sowe
havetodoitforourselves.
How Your Past Affects You Today
Certainlyyou'vehadtheexperienceoffeelinggrippedbynegativeemotions.Thesearesomecommonways
ourunresolvedemotionsfromchildhoodmayaffectustodayasweencounterthestressesofbeingadults:
1 .Whensomethinghasbeenfrustrating,weremainstuckfeelingangryandannoyed,evenwhenouradult
selfsaysweshouldfeelcalm,loving,andpeaceful.
2 .Whensomethinghasbeendisappointing,weremainstuck feelingsadandhurt,evenwhenouradult
selfsaysweshouldfeelenthusiastic,happy,andhopeful.
3 .Whensomethinghasbeenupsetting,weremainstuckfeelingafraidandworried,evenwhenouradult
selfsaysweshouldfeelassured,confident,andgrateful.
4 .Whensomethinghasbeenembarrassing,weremainstuckfeelingsorryandashamed,evenwhenout
adultselfsaysweshouldfeelsecure,good,andwonderful.