Silencing Your Feelings Through Addictions
Asadultswegenerally try tocontrolthesenegativeemotionsby avoidingthem.Ouraddictionscanbe
usedtosilencethepainfulcriesofourfeelingsandunfulfilledneeds.Afteraglassofwine,thepainisgone
foramoment.Butitwillcomebackagainandagain.
Ironically,theveryactofavoidingournegativeemotionsgivesthemthepowertocontrolourlives.By
learningtolistentoandnurtureourinneremotions,theygraduallylosetheirgrip.
Whenyouareveryupset,itcertainlyisnotpossibletocommunicateaseffectivelyasyouwantto.Atsuch
times theunresolvedfeelingsofyour past have comeback. Itis asthough the childthatwas never
allowedtothrowatantrumnowthrowsone,onlytobe exiledonceagainintothecloset.
Ourunresolvedchildhood emotionshavethepowerto controlusby grippingour adultawarenessand
preventinglovingcommuncation.Untilweareablelovinglytolistentotheseseeminglyirrationalfeelings
fromourpast(whichseemtointrudeintoourlifewhenwemostneedoursanity),theywillobstructloving
communication.
The secret ofcommunicating our difficultfeelings liesin having the wisdom and the commitmentto
expressournegativefeelingsinwritingsothatwecanbecomeawareofourmorepositivefeelings.The
moreweareabletocommunicatetoourpartnerswiththelovetheydeserve,thebetterourrelationships
willbe.Whenyouareabletoshareyourupsetfeelingsinalovingway,itbecomesmucheasierforyour
partnertosupportyouinreturn.
SECRETSOFSELF-HELP..............................................................................................................
WritingLoveLettersisanexcellentself-helptool,butifyoudon'timmediatelygetinthehabitofwriting
themyoumayforgettouseit.Isuggestthatatleastonceaweekwhensomethingisbotheringyou,sit
downandwriteaLoveLetter.
LoveLettersarehelpfulnotonlywhenyoufeelupsetwithyourpartnerinarelationshipbutalsowhenever
youareupset. WritingLoveLettershelpwhen youarefeeling resentful, unhappy, anxious, depressed,
annoyed,tired,stuck,orsimplystressed.Wheneveryouwanttofeelbetter,writeaLoveLetter.Itmaynot
alwayscompletelyimproveyourmood,butitwillhelpmoveyouinthedirectionyouwanttogo.
Inmyfirstbook,WhatYouFeelYou Can Heal,theimportanceofexploringfeelingsandwritingLove
Letters is more fully discussed. In addition, in my tape series, Healing the Heart, I share healing
visualizations and exercises based on the Love Letter Technique for overcoming anxiety, releasing
resentment,andfindingforgiveness,lovingyourinnerchild,andhealingpastemotionalwounds.