Awoman hasnoconception ofthismalesensitivity becausefor herit isanotherfeatherin herhatif
someoneofferstohelpher.Itmakesherfeellovedandcherished.Butofferinghelptoamancanmake
himfeelincompetent,weak,andevenunloved.
On Venus it is a sign of caring to give advice and suggestions. Venusians firmly believe that when
somethingisworkingitcanalwaysworkbetter.Theirnatureistowanttoimprovethings.Whentheycare
aboutsomeone,theyfreelypointoutwhatcanbeimprovedandsuggesthowtodoit.Offeringadviceand
constructivecriticismisanactoflove.
Marsisverydifferent.Martiansaremoresolutionoriented.Ifsomethingisworking,theirmottois“don't
changeit”.Theirinstinctistoleaveitaloneifitisworking."Don'tfixitunlessitisbroken"isacommon
expression.
Whenawomantriestoimproveaman,hefeelssheistryingtofixhim.Hereceivesthemessagethatheis
broken.Shedoesn'trealizehercaringattemptstohelphimmayhumiliatehim.Shemistakenlythinksshe
isjusthelpinghimtogrow.
GIVEUPGIVINGADVICE...............................................................................................................
Withoutthisinsightintothenatureofmen,it'sveryeasyforawomanunknowinglyandunintentionallyto
hurtandoffendthemanshelovesmost.
Forexample,TomandMaryweregoingtoaparty.Tomwasdriving.Afterabouttwentyminutesandgoing
aroundthesameblockafewtimes,itwascleartoMarythatTomwaslost.Shefinallysuggestedthathe
callforhelp. Tombecame very silent. They eventually arrivedattheparty, butthetension from that
momentpersistedthewholeeveningMaryhadnoideaofwhyhewassoupset.
Fromhersideshewassaying"Iloveandcareaboutyou,soIamofferingyouthishelp."
From his side, he was offended. What he heard was "I don't trust you to get us there. You are
incompetent!"
Without knowing about life on Mars, Mary could not appreciate how important it was for Tom to
accomplishhisgoalwithouthelp.Offeringadvicewastheultimateinsult.Aswehaveexplored,Martians
neverofferadviceunlessasked.AAAAwwwwaaaayyyyooooffffhhhhoooonnnnoooorrrriiiinnnnggggaaaannnnooootttthhhheeeerrrrMMMMaaaarrrrttttiiiiaaaannnniiiissssaaaallllwwwwaaaayyyyssssttttooooaaaassssssssuuuummmmeeeehhhheeeeccccaaaannnn
ssssoooollllvvvveeeehhhhiiiisssspppprrrroooobbbblllleeeemmmmuuuunnnnlllleeeesssssssshhhheeeeiiiissssaaaasssskkkkiiiinnnnggggffffoooorrrrhhhheeeellllpppp....
MaryhadnoideathatwhenTombecamelostandstartedcirclingthesameblock,itwasaveryspecial
opportunitytoloveandsupporthim.Atthattimehewasparticularlyvulnerableandneededsomeextra
love.Tohonorhimbynotofferingadvicewouldhavebeenagiftequivalenttohisbuyingherabeautiful
bouquetofflowersorwritingheralovenote.