AfterlearningaboutMartiansandVenusians,MarylearnedhowtosupportTomatsuchdifficulttimes.The
nexttimehewaslost, insteadofoffering"help"sherestrainedherselffromofferinganyadvice,took a
deep relaxing breath, and appreciated in her heartwhat Tom was trying to dofor her. Tom greatly
appreciatedherwarmacceptanceandtrust.
Generallyspeaking,whenawomanoffersunsolicitedadviceortriesto"help"aman,shehasnoideaof
howcriticalandunlovingshemay sound tohim. Eventhoughherintentisloving,her suggestionsdo
offendandhurt.Hisreactionmaybestrong,especiallyifhefeltcriticizedasachildorheexperiencedhis
fatherbeingcriticizedbyhismother.
Formanymen,itisveryimportanttoprovethattheycangettotheirgoal,evenifitisasmallthinglike
drivingtoarestaurantorparty.Ironicallyhemaybemoresensitiveaboutthelittlethingsthanthebig.His
feelingsarelikethis:"IfIcan'tbetrustedtodoasmallthinglikegetustoaparty,howcanshetrustme
todothebiggerthings?"LiketheirMartianancestors,menpridethemselvesonbeingexperts,especially
whenitcomestofixingmechanicalthings,gettingplaces,orsolvingproblems.Thesearethetimeswhen
heneedsherlovingacceptancethemostandnotheradviceorcriticism.
LEARNINGTOLISTEN...................................................................................................................
Likewise,ifamandoesnotunderstandhowawomanisdifferent,hecanmakethingsworsewhenheis
tryingto help. MMMMeeeennnnnnnneeeeeeeeddddttttoooorrrreeeemmmmeeeemmmmbbbbeeeerrrrtttthhhhaaaattttwwwwoooommmmeeeennnnttttaaaallllkkkkaaaabbbboooouuuuttttpppprrrroooobbbblllleeeemmmmssssttttooooggggeeeettttcccclllloooosssseeeeaaaannnnddddnnnnooootttt
nnnneeeecccceeeessssssssaaaarrrriiiillllyyyyttttooooggggeeeettttssssoooolllluuuuttttiiiioooonnnnssss....
Somanytimesawomanjustwantstoshareherfeelingsaboutherday,andherhusband,thinkingheis
helping,interruptsherbyofferingasteadyflowofsolutionstoherproblems.Hehasnoideawhysheisn't
pleased.
Forexample,Marycomeshomefromanexhaustingday.Shewantsandneedstoshareherfeelingsabout
theday.
Shesays,"Thereissomuchtodo;Idon'thaveanytimeformyself."
Tomsays,"Youshouldquitthatjob.Youdon'thavetoworksohard.Findsomethingyouliketodo."
Marysays,"ButIlikemyjob.Theyjustexpectmetochangeeverythingatamoment'snotice."
Tomsays,"Don'tlistentothem.Justdowhatyoucando."
Marysays,"Iam!Ican'tbelieveIcompletelyforgottocallmyaunttoday."
Tomsays,"Don'tworryaboutit,she'llunderstand."
Marysays,"Doyouknowwhatsheisgoingthrough?Sheneedsme."