AssoonasBillwaswillingtogiveMarywhatshehadbeenaskingfor,shewouldhavearesentfulreaction
like"Well,itistoolate"or"Sowhat."
Repeatedly Ihavecounseledcoupleswhohavebeenmarriedforovertwentyyears.Theirchildrenhave
grownupandlefthome.Suddenlythewomanwantsadivorce.Themanwakesupandrealizesthathe
wantstochangeandgethelp.Ashestartstomakechangesandgivehertheloveshehasbeenwanting
fortwentyyears,shereactswithcoldresentment.
Itisasthoughshewantshimtosufferfortwentyyearsjustasshedid.Fortunatelythatisnotthecase.As
theycontinuetosharefeelingsandhehearsandunderstandshowshehasbeenneglected,shegradually
becomesmorereceptivetogotheotherway;amanwantstoleaveandthewomanbecomeswillingto
change,butheresists.
The Crisis of Rising Expectations
Anotherexampleofthedelayedreactionoccursonasociallevel.Insociologyitiscalledthecrisisofrising
expectations.ItoccurredinthesixtiesduringtheJohnsonadministration.Forthefirsttimeminoritieswere
givenmorerightsthaneverbefore.Asaresulttherewereexplosionsofanger,rioting,andviolence.Allof
thepent-upracialfeelingsweresuddenlyreleased.
Thisisanotherexampleofrepressedfeelingssurfacing.Whentheminoritiesfeltmoresupportedtheyfelt
an upsurgeofresentfuland angry feelings. The unresolvedfeelingsofthe paststarted coming up. A
similarreactionisoccurringnowincountrieswherepeoplearefinallygainingtheirfreedomfromabusive
governmentleaders.
WHYHEALTHYPEOPLEMAYNEEDCOUNSELING..........................................................................
Asyougrowmoreintimateinyourrelationships,loveincreases.Asaresult,deeper,morepainfulfeelings
willcomeupthatneedtobehealed-deepfeelingslikeshameandfear.Becausewegenerallydonotknow
howtodealwiththesepainfulfeelings,webecomestuck.
Tohealthemweneedtosharethem,butwearetooafraidorashamedtorevealwhatwearefeeling.At
such timeswemay becomedepressed, anxious, bored, resentful, orsimply exhaustedfor noapparent
reasonatall.Theseareallsymptomsofour"stuff"comingupandbeingblocked.
Instinctivelyyouwillwanttoeitherrunawayfromloveorincreaseyouraddictions.Thisisthetimetowork
onyourfeelingsandnotrunaway.Whendeepfeelingscomeupyouwouldbeverywisetogetthehelpof
atherapist.