Whendeepfeelingscomeup,weprojectourfeelingsontoourpartner.Ifwedidnotfeelsafetoexpress
ourfeelingstoourparentsorapastpartner,allofasuddenwecannotgetintouchwithourfeelingsinthe
presenceofourpresentpartner.Atthispoint,nomatterhowsupportiveyourpartneris,whenyouare
withyourpartneryouwillnotfeelsafe.Feelingswillbeblocked.
Itisaparadox:becauseyoufeelsafewithyourpartner,yourdeepestfearshaveachancetosurface.
Whentheysurfaceyoubecomeafraidandareunabletosharewhatyoufeel.Yourfearmayevenmake
younumb.Whenthishappensthefeelingsthatarecomingupgetstuck.
Thisiswhenhavingacounselorortherapististremendouslyhelpful.Whenyouarewithsomeoneyouare
notprojectingyourfearson,youcanprocessthefeelingsthatarecomingup.Butifyouareonlywithyour
partner,youmayfeelnumb.
Thisiswhypeoplewithevenverylovingrelationshipsmayinevitablyneedthehelpofatherapist.Sharing
insupportgroupsalsohasthisliberatingeffect.Beingwithotherswhomwedon'tknowintimatelybutwho
aresupportivecreatesanopeningforourwoundedfeelingstobeshared.
Whenourunresolvedfeelingsarebeingprojectedonourintimatepartner,heorsheispowerlesstohelp
us.Allourpartnercandoisencourageustogetsupport.Understandinghowourpastcontinuestoaffect
ourrelationshipsfreesustoaccepttheebbandflowoflove.Webegintotrustloveanditshealingprocess.
Tokeepthemagicoflovealivewemustbeflexibleandadapttotheongoingchangingseasonsoflove.
THESEASONSOFLOVE...............................................................................................................
Arelationshipislikeagarden.Ifitistothriveitmustbewateredregularly.Specialcaremusthegiven,
takingintoaccounttheseasonsaswellasanyunpredictableweather.Newseedsmustbesownandweeds
mustbepulled. Similarly;tokeepthemagicoflovealivewemustunderstanditsseasonsandnurture
love'sspecialneeds.
The Springtime of Love
Failinginloveislikespringtime.Wefeelasthoughwewillbehappyforever.Wecannotimaginenotloving
ourpartner. Itisatimeofinnocence.Loveseemseternal.Itisamagicaltimewheneverythingseems
perfectandworkseffortlessly.Ourpartnerseemstobetheperfectfit.Weeffortlesslydancetogetherin
harmonyandrejoiceinourgoodfortune.
The Summer of Love
Throughoutthesummerofourlovewerealizeourpartnerisnotasperfectaswethought,andwehaveto