Ifhecan'tfindasolutionthenhedoessomethingtoforgethisproblems,likereadingthenewsorplaying
agame.Bydisengaginghismindfromtheproblemsofhisday,graduallyhecanrelax.Ifhisstressisreally
greatittakesgettinginvolvedwithsomethingevenmorechallenging,likeracinghiscar,competingina
contest,orclimbingamountain.
WhenaVenusianbecomesupsetorisstressedbyherday,tofindrelief,sheseeksoutsomeoneshetrusts
andthentalksin greatdetailabouttheproblems ofher day. WhenVenusianssharefeelingsofbeing
overwhelmed,theysuddenlyfeelbetter.ThisistheVenusianway.
OnVenussharingyourproblemswithanotheractuallyisconsideredasignofloveandtrustandnota
burden. Venusians are not ashamed of having problems. Their egos are dependent not on looking
"competent"butratheronbeinginlovingrelationships.Theyopenlysharefeelingsofbeingoverwhelmed,
confused,hopeless,andexhausted.
AVenusian feelsgood aboutherselfwhenshehaslovingfriendswithwhomtoshareherfeelingsand
problems.AMartianfeelsgoodwhenhecansolvehisproblemsonhisowninhiscave.Thesesecretsof
feelinggoodarestillapplicabletoday.
FINDINGRELIEFINTHECAVE.......................................................................................................
Whenamanisstressedhewillwithdrawintothecaveofhismindandfocusonsolvingaproblem. He
generallypicksthemosturgentproblemorthemostdifficult.Hebecomessofocusedonsolvingthisone
problemthathetemporarily losesawarenessofeverythingelse.Otherproblemsandresponsibilitiesfade
intothebackground.
At such times, he becomes increasingly distant, forgetful, unresponsive, and preoccupied in his
relationships.Forexample,whenhavingaconversationwithhimathome,itseemsasifonly 5 percentof
hismindisavailablefortherelationshipwhiletheother 95 percentisstillatwork.
Hisfullawarenessisnotpresentbecauseheismullingoverhisproblem,hopingtofindasolution.The
morestressedheisthemoregrippedbytheproblemhewillbe.Atsuchtimesheisincapableofgivinga
womantheattentionandfeelingthatshenormallyreceivesandcertainlydeserves.Hismindispreoccupied,
andheispowerlesstoreleaseit.If,however,hecanfindasolution,instantlyhewillfeelmuchbetterand
comeoutofhiscave;suddenlyheisavailableforbeinginarelationshipagain.
However,ifhecannotfindasolutiontohisproblem,thenheremainsstuckinthecave.Togetunstuckhe
is drawnto solvinglittle problems, like reading the news,watchingTV, drivinghiscar, doingphysical
exercise,watchingafootballgame,playingbasketball,andsoforth.Anychallengingactivitythatinitially
requiresonly 5 percentofhismindcanassisthiminforgettinghisproblemsandbecomingunstuck.Then
thenextdayhecanredirecthisfocustohisproblemwithgreatersuccess.