man.ByrememberingthatmenarefromMars,awomancancorrectlyinterprethisreactiontostressas
hiscopingmechanismratherthanasanexpressionofhowhefeelsabouther.Shecanbegintocooperate
withhimtogetwhatsheneedsinsteadofresistinghim.
Ontheotherside,mengenerallyhavelittleawarenessofhowdistanttheybecomewhentheyareinthe
cave.Asamanrecognizes howwithdrawingintohiscavemayaffectwomen,hecanbecompassionate
whenshefeelsneglected andunimportant.Rememberingthatwomen arefromVenushelpshimtobe
moreunderstandingandrespectfulofherreactionsandfeelings.Withoutunderstandingthevalidityofher
reactions,amancommonlydefendshimself,andtheyargue.Thesearefivecommonmisunderstandings:
I.Whenshesays"Youdon'tlisten,"hesays"WhatdoyoumeanIdon'tlisten.Icantellyoueverything
yousaid."
Whenamanisinthecavehecanrecordwhatsheissayingwiththe 5 percentofmindthatislistening.A
manreasonsthatifheislisteningwith 5 percent,thenheislistening.However,whatsheisaskingforis
hisfullundividedattention.
2 .Whenshesays"Ifeellikeyouarenotevenhere,"hesays"WhatdoyoumeanI'mnothere?OfcourseI
amhere.Don'tyouseemybody?"
Hereasonsthatifhisbodyispresentthensheshouldn'tsayheisnotthere.However,thoughhisbodyis
present,shedoesn'tfeelhisfullpresence,andthatiswhatshemeans.
3 .Whenshesays"Youdon'tcareaboutme,"hesays"OfcourseIcareaboutyou.WhydoyouthinkIam
tryingtosolvethisproblem?"
Hereasonsthatbecauseheispreoccupiedwithsolvingaproblemthatwillinsomewaybenefither,she
shouldknowhecaresforher.However,sheneedstofeelhisdirectattentionandcaring,andthatiswhat
sheisreallyaskingfor.
4 .Whenshesays"IfeellikeIamnotimportanttoyou,"hesays"That'sridiculous.Ofcourseyouare
important."
Hereasonsthatherfeelingsareinvalidbecauseheissolvingproblemstobenefither.Hedoesn'trealize
thatwhenhefocusesononeproblemandignorestheproblemssheisbotheredbythatalmostanywoman
wouldhavethesamereactionandtakeitpersonallyandfeelunimportant.
5 .Whenshesays"Youhavenofeelings.Youareinyourhead,"hesays"What'swrongwiththat?How
elsedoyouexpectmetosolvethisproblem?"
Hereasonsthatsheisbeingtoocriticalanddemandingbecauseheisdoingsomethingthatisessentialfor
himtosolveproblems.Hefeelsunappreciated.Inadditionhedoesn'trecognizethevalidityofherfeelings
Mengenerallydon'trealizehowextremelyandquicklytheymayshiftfrombeingwarmandfeelingtobeing