LEARNINGTORECEIVE.................................................................................................................
Settinglimitsandreceivingareveryscaryforawoman.Sheiscommonlyafraidofneedingtoomuchand
then being rejected, judged, or abandoned. Rejection, judgment, and abandonment are mostpainful
becausedeepinsideherunconscioussheholdstheincorrectbeliefthatsheisunworthyofreceivingmore.
Thisbeliefwasformedandreinforcedinchildhoodeverytimeshehadtosuppressherfeelings,needs,or
wishes.
Awomanisparticularlyvulnerabletothenegativeandincorrectbeliefthatshedoesn'tdeservetobeloved.
Ifasachildshewitnessedabuseorwasdirectly abused,thensheisevenmorevulnerabletofeeling
unworthyoflove;itisharderforhertodetermineherworth. Hiddenintheunconscious,thisfeelingof
unworthinessgeneratesthefearofneedingothers.Apartofherimaginesthatshewillnotbesupported.
Becausesheisafraidofnotbeingsupported,sheunknowinglypushesawaythe_supportsheneeds.When
aman receivesthemessagethatshedoesn't trusthimto fulfillherneeds, thenhefeelsimmediately
rejected and is turned off. Her hopelessness and mistrust transform her valid needs into desperate
expressionsofneedinessandcommunicatetohimthemessagethatshedoesn'ttrusthimtosupporther.
Ironically,menareprimarilymotivatedbybeingneeded,butareturnedoffbyneediness.
Atsuchtimes,awomanmistakenlyassumesthathavingneedshasturnedhimoffwhenintruthitisher
hopelessness,desperation,andmistrustthathasdoneso.Withoutrecognizingthatmenneedtobetrusted,
itisdifficultandconfusingforwomentounderstandthedifferencebetweenneedingandneediness.
"Needing" is openly reaching out and askingfor supportfrom a man in a trusting manner, one that
assumes that he will do his best. This empowers him. "Neediness," however, is desperately needing
supportbecauseyoudon'ttrustyouwillgetit. Itpushesmenawayandmakesthemfeelrejectedand
unappreciated.
Forwomen,notonlyisneedingothersconfusingbutbeingdisappointedorabandonedisespeciallypainful,
eveninthesmallestways.Itisnoteasyforhertodependonothersandthenbeignored,forgotten,or
dismissed. Needing others puts herin avulnerableposition.Being ignored ordisappointed hurtsmore
becauseitaffirmstheincorrectbeliefthatsheisunworthy.
How the Venusians Learn to Feel Worthy
ForcenturiestheVenusianscompensatedforthisfundamentalfearofunworthinessbybeingattentiveand
responsivetotheneedsofothers.Theywouldgiveandgive,butdeepinsidetheydidnotfeelworthyof
receiving.Theyhopedthatbygivingtheywouldbecomemoreworthy.Aftercenturiesofgivingtheyfinally
realizedthattheywereworthyofreceivingloveandsupport.Thentheylookedbackandrealizedthatthey