hadalwaysbeenworthyofsupport.
Thisprocessofgivingtootherspreparedthemforthewisdomofself-esteem.Throughgivingtoothers
theycametoseethatotherstrulywereworthyofreceiving,andthustheybegantoseethateveryone
deservedtobeloved.Then,finally,theysawthattheytoodeservedtoreceive.
HereonEarth,whenalittlegirlexperienceshermotherreceivinglove,thenautomaticallyshefeelsworthy.
SheisableeasilytoovercometheVenusiancompulsiontogivetoomuch.Shedoesn'thavetoovercomea
fearofreceivingbecausesheidentifiessocloselywithhermother.Ifhermotherhaslearnedthiswisdom
thenthechildautomaticallylearnsitthroughobservingandfeelinghermother.Ifthemotherisopento
receive,thenthechildlearnshowtoreceive.
TheVenusians,however, didnothaverolemodels,soittookthemthousandsofyearstogiveuptheir
compulsivegiving.Throughgraduallyseeingthatotherswereworthyofreceiving,theyrealizedthatthey
alsowereworthyofreceiving.AtthatmagicalmomenttheMartiansalsowentthroughatransformation
andbeganbuildingspaceships.
When the Venusian Is Ready the Martian Will Appear
Whenawomanrealizesthatshetrulydeservestobeloved,sheisopeningthedoorforamantogiveto
her. But when it takesher ten years ofovergiving in amarriageto realize thatshe deserves more,
ironically,shefeelslikeclosingthedoorandnotgivinghimthechance.Shemayfeelsomethinglikethis:"I
havegiventoyouandyouhaveignoredme.Youhadyourchance.Ideservebetter.Ican'ttrustyou.Iam
tootired,Ihavenothinglefttogive.Iwillnotletyouhurtmeagain."
Repeatedly,whenthisisthecase,Ihaveassuredwomenthattheydon'thavetogivemoretohavea
betterrelationship. Theirpartneractuallywillgivethem moreifthey giveless. Whenamanhasbeen
ignoringherneeds,itisasthoughtheyhavebothbeenasleep.Whenshewakesupandremembersher
needs,healsowakesupandwantstogivehermore.
Predictably, herpartner willwake upfrom hispassive stateandtruly makemany ofthechangesshe
requires.Whensheisnolongergivingtoomuch,becausesheisfeelingworthyinsideherself,hecomes
outofhis caveandstarts buildingspaceshipstocomeandmakeherhappy. Itmay takehimawhile
actuallytolearntogivehermore,butthemostimportantstepistaken_-heisawarethathehasneglected
herandhewantstochange.
Italsoworkstheotherwayaround. Usuallywhenamanrealizes thatheisunhappy andwantsmore
romanceandlovein hislife,hiswifewillsuddenly begintoopenupandlovehim again.Thewallsof
resentmentbegintomelt,andlovecomesbacktolife.Iftherehasbeenalotofneglectitmaytakea
whiletrulytohealalltheaccumulatedresentments,butitispossible.InchapterII,Iwilldiscusseasyand