practicaltechniquestohealtheseresentments.
Quite often, when one partner makes a positive change the other will also change. This predictable
coincidenceisoneofthosemagicalthingsaboutlife.When the studentisready theteacherappears.
WWWWhhhheeeennnntttthhhheeeeqqqquuuueeeessssttttiiiioooonnnniiiissssaaaasssskkkkeeeeddddtttthhhheeeennnntttthhhheeeeaaaannnnsssswwwweeeerrrriiiisssshhhheeeeaaaarrrrdddd....WWWWhhhheeeennnnwwwweeeeaaaarrrreeeettttrrrruuuullllyyyyrrrreeeeaaaaddddyyyyttttoooorrrreeeecccceeeeiiiivvvveeeetttthhhheeeennnn
wwwwhhhhaaaattttwwwweeeennnneeeeeeeeddddwwwwiiiillllllllbbbbeeeeccccoooommmmeeeeaaaavvvvaaaaiiiillllaaaabbbblllleeee....WhentheVenusianswerereadytoreceive,theMartianswere
readytogive.
LEARNINGTOGIVE.......................................................................................................................
Aman'sdeepestfearisthatheisnotgoodenoughorthatheisincompetent.Hecompensatesforthisfear
byfocusingonincreasinghispowerandcompetence.Success,achievement,andefficiencyareforemostin
hislife.BeforetheydiscoveredtheVenusians,theMartiansweresoconcernedwiththesequalitiesthat
theydidn'tcareaboutanythingoranybodyelse.Amanappearsmostuncaringwhenheisafraid.
Justas womenareafraidofreceiving, menareafraid ofgiving. Toextend himselfin givingto others
meansto risk failure, correction, anddisapproval.Theseconsequencesaremostpainfulbecause deep
insidehisunconsciousheholdsanincorrectbeliefthatheisnotgoodenough.Thisbeliefwasformedand
reinforcedinchildhoodeverytimehethoughthewasexpectedtodobetter.Whenhisaccomplishments
wentunnoticedorwereunappreciated,deepinhisunconscioushebeganformingtheincorrectbeliefthat
hewasnotgoodenough.
Amanisparticularlyvulnerabletothisincorrectbelief.Itgenerateswithinhimthefearoffailing.Hewants
togivebutisafraidhewillfail,sohedoesn'ttry.Ifhisbiggestfearisinadequacy,henaturallyisgoingto
avoidanyunnecessaryrisks.
Ironically,whenamanreallycaresalothisfearoffailureincreases,andhegivesless.Toavoidfailurehe
stopsgivingtothepeoplehewantstogivetothemost.
When a man is insecure hemay compensateby not caring about anybody except himself. Hismost
automaticdefensiveresponseistosay"Idon'tcare."Forthisreason,theMartiansdidnotletthemselves
feelorcaretoomuchforothers.Bybecomingsuccessfulandpowerfultheyfinallyrealizedthattheywere
goodenoughandthattheycouldsucceedingiving.TheythendiscoveredtheVenusians.
Althoughtheyhadalwaysbeengoodenough,theprocessofprovingtheirpowerpreparedthemforthe
wisdomofself-esteem.Throughbecomingsuccessfulandthenlookingback,theyrealizedthattheirevery
failurewasnecessary toachievetheirlatersuccesses.Everymistakehadtaughtthemaveryimportant
lessontoachievetheirgoals.Thustheyrealizedtheyhadalwaysbeengoodenough.