WHATTODOWHENHEGOESINTOHISCAVE...............................................................................
InmyseminarswhenIexplainaboutcavesanddragons,womenwanttoknowhowtheycanshortenthe
timemenspendintheircaves.AtthispointIaskthementoanswer,andtheygenerallysaythatthemore
womentrytogetthemtotalkorcomeout,thelongerittakes.
Anothercommoncommentbymenis"ItishardtocomeoutofthecavewhenIfeelmymatedisapproves
ofthetimeIspendin thecave."Tomakeamanfeelwrongforgoingintohiscavehastheeffectof
pushinghimbackintothecaveevenwhenhewantstocomeout.
Whenamangoesintohiscaveheisgenerallywoundedorstressedandistryingtosolvehisproblem
alone.Togivehimthesupportthatawomanwouldwantiscounterproductive.TTTThhhheeeerrrreeeeaaaarrrreeeebbbbaaaassssiiiiccccaaaallllllllyyyyssssiiiixxxx
wwwwaaaayyyyssssttttoooossssuuuuppppppppoooorrrrtttthhhhiiiimmmmwwwwhhhheeeennnnhhhheeeeggggooooeeeessssiiiinnnnttttoooohhhhiiiissssccccaaaavvvveeee....(Givinghimthissupportwillalsoshortenthetime
heneedstospendalone.)
HowtoSupportaManinHisCove
I.Don'tdisapproveofhisneedforwithdrawing.
2 .Don'ttrytohelphimsolvehisproblembyofferingsolutions.
3 .Don'ttrytonurturehimbyaskingquestionsabouthisfeelings.
4 .Don'tsitnexttothedoorofthecaveandwaitforhimtocomeout.
5 .Don'tworryabouthimorfeelsorryforhim.
6 .Dosomethingthatmakesyouhappy.
Ifyouneedto"talk,"writehimalettertohereadlaterwhenheisout,andifyouneedtobenurtured,talk
toafriend.Don'tmakehimthesolesourceofyourfulfillment.
AmanwantshisfavoriteVenusiantotrustthathecanhandlewhatisbotheringhim.Tobetrustedthathe
canhandlehisproblemsisveryimportanttohishonor,pride,andself-esteem.
Notworryingabouthimisdifficultforher.Worryingforothersisonewaywomenexpresstheirloveand
caring.Itisawayofshowinglove. Forawoman,beinghappy whenthepersonyouloveis upsetjust
doesn'tseemright.HHHHeeeecccceeeerrrrttttaaaaiiiinnnnllllyyyyddddooooeeeessssnnnn''''ttttwwwwaaaannnntttthhhheeeerrrrttttoooobbbbeeeehhhhaaaappppppppyyyybbbbeeeeccccaaaauuuusssseeeehhhheeeeiiiissssuuuuppppsssseeeetttt,,,,bbbbuuuutttthhhheeeeddddooooeeeessss
wwwwaaaannnntttthhhheeeerrrrttttoooobbbbeeeehhhhaaaappppppppyyyy....Hewantshertobehappysothathehasonelessproblemtoworryabout.In
additionhewantshertobehappybecauseithelpshimtofeellovedbyher.Whenawomanishappyand
freefromworry,itiseasierforhimtocomeout.
Ironically menshowtheirlovebynot worrying.Aman questions"Howcan you worryabout someone
whomyouadmireandtrust?"Mencommonlysupportoneanotherbysayingphrasessuchas"Don'tworry,