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Menandwomengenerallyareunawarethattheyhavedifferentemotionalneeds.Asaresulttheydonot
instinctivelyknowhow tosupporteachother.Men typically givein relationshipswhatmenwant,while
womengivewhatwomenwant.Eachmistakenlyassumesthattheotherhasthesameneedsanddesires.
Asaresulttheybothendupdissatisfiedandresentful.

Bothmenandwomenfeeltheygiveandgivebutdonotgetback.Theyfeeltheirloveisunacknowledged
andunappreciated.Thetruthistheyarebothgivinglovebutnotinthedesiredmanner.

Forexample, awomanthinkssheisbeinglovingwhensheasksalotofcaringquestionsorexpresses
concern.Aswehavediscussedbefore,thiscanbeveryannoyingtoaman.Hemaystarttofeelcontrolled
and want space. She is confused, because if she were offered this kind of support she would be
appreciative.Hereffortstobelovingareatbestignoredandatworstannoying.

Similarly,menthinktheyarebeingloving,butthewaytheyexpresstheirlovemaymakeawomanfeel
invalidated and unsupported. For example, when a woman gets upset, he thinks he is loving and
supportingherby makingcommentsthatminimizetheimportanceofherproblems. Hemaysay"Don't
worry;It'snotsuchabigdeal."Orhemaycompletelyignoreher,assumingheisgivingheralotofspace"
tocooloffandgointohercave.Whathethinksissupportmakesherfeelminimized,unloved,andignored.

Aswehavealreadydiscussed,whenawomanisupsetsheneedstobeheardandunderstood.Withoutthis
insightintodifferentmaleandfemaleneeds,amaledoesn'tunderstandwhyhisattemptstohelpfall.

THETWELVEKINDSOFLOVE........................................................................................................

Mostofourcomplexemotionalneedscanbesummarizedastheneedforlove.Menandwomeneachhave
six uniqueloveneedsthatareallequallyimportant.Menprimarilyneedtrust,acceptance,appreciation,
admiration,approval,andencouragement.Womenprimarilyneedcaring,understanding,respect,devotion,
validation,andreassurance.Theenormoustaskoffiguringoutwhatourpartnerneedsissimplifiedgreatly
throughunderstandingthesetwelvedifferentkindsoflove.

Byreviewingthislistyoucaneasilyseewhyyourpartnermaynotfeelloved.Andmostimportant,thislist
cangiveyouadirectiontoimproveyourrelationshipswiththeoppositesexwhenyoudon'tknowwhat
elsetodo.