The Secret Power of Communicating Feelings 103
You will save yourself time if you ask me all your questions
at once.I won’t understand that I am creating a problem for you. I
might not stop. Say,
The interruptions frustrate me.I need to know exactly why you want me to stop interrupting
you.
If your jokes offend me, and I say,
You might not want to tell that joke anymore.you won’t understand and are less likely to stop than if I say,
Ouch. That joke really hurt.If I want you to stop making your jokes, I need to tell you I am
hurt by them.
I was getting resistance to the importance of communicat-
ing feelings from a group I was training at a software company.
People suggested that no one cared how anyone felt. The HR
director backed me up by sharing a story. He coached an
employee who several managers had found difficult. She was
resisting his suggestion that she put people on the defensive—
until the HR director said,
I feel defensive talking to you.That admission opened her eyes to how she impacted others.
Admit what you are feeling to yourself! Then, if you believe