The Secret Power of Communicating Feelings 105
When I had a problem with a service provider, I examined
what I felt and told her,
While your responses to me have always been profes-
sional, I feel scolded for asking what I believe to be a
legitimate question. I feel like I’m five years old.It felt risky to express my feelings to someone who already
seemed cold and impersonal. I took the risk—and it worked.
Figure out what is in your heart and choose your words
accordingly.
PowerPhrases to Say What You Feel
Mean What You Say
Don’t express feelings that are a short-term reaction that you
will regret later. Mandy was upset with her boss and said,
I don’t trust you.When she calmed down she realized that expression wasn’t what
she meant. She felt regret and apologized. The damage was done
and she wished she had held her tongue. You can never really
retract your words.
I have a twenty-four hour rule. If I want to say something
when I am emotional and feeling defensive, I promise myself
that if I still want to say it in twenty-four hours, I will. Often
when the twenty-four hours pass, I realize that I didn’t really
mean what I thought I did at the time—I was just having a
reaction.
So instead of speaking in the moment when your feelings