Listen So They Speak Freely 129
Whenever you are in a crucial conversation and the other
person seems to need to express her thoughts, feelings, and
wants, slip into listening mode and pick PowerPhrases that will
get you where you want to go. You cannot get someone to lis-
ten who needs to be heard herself.
PowerPhrase for Listening Say What
Yo u M e a n
Listening is not about you, so you won’t want to take the focus
off them. Just be certain to be sincere in your listening phrases.
Why do you want to listen to them? Express the reason in
your heart for wanting to listen. Say,
I want to be certain I know what it’s like for you.I believe you are a reasonable person and I want to
understand the reasoning that went into that decision.I value our relationship, and I don’t want any kind of
misunderstanding to interfere with it. I want to under-
stand you as much as possible.If you are only listening because you know it’s the only way you
can get them to listen to you, you probably won’t want to share
that part of what you mean. But why do you care in the first
place? Is it because you value their opinion of you? Is it because
you know they carry a lot of weight in the department? Some-
where in your heart and mind, there is a thought, a feeling, and
a desire that will build a bridge if you express it.