When You Really Blew It 135
Some things can’t be forgiven, but the chances that your
apology will be accepted are greater when you apologize effec-
tively.
I like Tony’s words so much because they were spoken
without defensiveness or excuses. Tony made no attempt to jus-
tify or blame. Tony accepted the wrongness of his actions and
the appropriateness of the judgments that were made about
him. He spoke to the perspective and to the need of his victims
without judgment of them. His crimes may be far too heinous
to be forgiven for a high-minded moment. Yet I was impressed
that Tony had that moment in him. If you want results, take a
lesson from Tony. Avoid the temptation to defend or share
blame when you apologize.
PowerPhrases to Apologize Sincerely
without Groveling Say What You Mean
Do not apologize if you don’t mean it. Ask yourself what you
think, feel, and want. Balance those considerations with the
results you seek. Maybe you think you blew it, but they are
overreacting. If you want the apology to be effective, let them
have their outrage and give them time to calm down. Find your
meaning that is in line with your communication goals. Then
say,
I’m sorry.I know I...Please forgive me.