194 PowerPhrases in Action
If it is true that men aren’t hearing women, it might not be
entirely their fault. It might be that women are speaking a dif-
ferent language. If women use twice as many words as men do,
perhaps men lose the message buried in too many words.
According to gender communication expert Deborah Tan-
nen, research shows that men speak more than women in pro-
fessional settings, such as meetings and presentations. This is
partially because women wait to be “given the floor” and men
do not. Women speak more in personal settings, such as at din-
ner and at home.
Another gender difference is that men speak impersonally,
while women speak personally. A man is likely to be more inter-
ested in an article in theNew York Timesabout how college kids
behave, while a woman would relate more to a discussion of her
niece’s and nephew’s behavior.
Another difference in communication between the genders
is that men tend to be more literal. Women hint more. If some-
one says, “I hope I have enough help at the conference,” a
woman might interpret the remark as a request for help. A man
is less likely to hear a request that was not deliberately stated.
Men build bonds by testing and challenging each other.
Women build bonds by finding areas of similarity. When I tell
men that I am an expert on PowerPhrases, they are likely to
challenge what I know and tell me what they know about com-
munication. Their approach is not intended to be disrespectful
in any way; in fact, it is a sign of respect. Women are more likely
to inquire into what I know.
So how do we talk to each other? In PowerPhrases, of
course!