What He Says Is Not What She Hears 201
When I first heard about the restructuring, I wondered
how it would affect the security of my coworkers’ posi-
tions.There are many ways to say what you mean, so pick the
meaning that will get better results.
PowerPhrases between the Genders
Mean What You Say
Women tend to exaggerate more than men do. A woman might
say, “That’s a blouse to die for!” But a man is unlikely to say,
“That’s a tie to die for!” A woman might say, “It cost a fortune,”
whereas a man is more likely to say, “It cost $332, which was
about $80 more than I expected.”
This difference in communication can create false expecta-
tions. For example, a woman might say, “I’ll make sure every-
one is at the meeting,” meaning she’ll get as many people as she
can, and a man is likely to be surprised if one or two people
aren’t there.
Be sure you mean what you say. Women, ask yourself if you
literally mean what you are saying. If you are communicating
with a man, express yourself in more concrete terms.
Women also tend to share passing thoughts while men are
more likely to say things they’ve thought about for a while. A
woman might share a passing thought and be surprised when a
man thought she meant it. If a woman says, “My job is doing
me in,” a man is likely to assume she means it and suggest other
jobs. Women, again, ask yourself if you really mean what you
are saying.