208 Put Y0ur Best Self Forward with PowerPhrases
sive tone of voice, it becomes a Vicious Venom Poison Phrase
that hurts. If you say,
I’m sure glad you’re here.in a sarcastic tone, that perfectly positive statement becomes poi-
son!
When you use your PowerPhrases, imagine you are asking
someone to pass the butter. When you ask someone to pass the
butter, it’s no big deal unless you live in a very strange house.
Keep your voice as calm as when you ask for butter. If you
choose to add intensity, do it in a way so you still come across
as being calm.
I had someone get upset with me who was telling me in
great detail what I had done that bothered her. It was several
minutes into the conversation before I realized that she was
angry, and I was not feeling a need to defend myself. I wasn’t
feeling defensive because she used a calm, non-threatening tone
of voice. As a result, I was able to listen to the specifics of her
upset rather than reacting to the emotion of her expression.
Tip #2: Sometimes Silence Is Golden
Pick your battles and decide when to and when not to speak.
Just because you have PowerPhrases doesn’t mean you need to
address every issue. When I ask couples who have been together
for a long time to explain their secret, they often tell me that
they overlook a lot. If you are truly bothered by something, it
is important for you to speak up, but you don’t need to speak
up about everything that is not to your individual liking.