Tips for Using PowerPhrases 209
Silence is golden when,- It doesn’t matter that much.
- You are too triggered to speak rationally.
- Your words are unlikely to bring a good result.
My friend and client Bill had a golden silence. He was
recently sitting next to his mother at his son’s wedding. Bill
commented on how hot the room was. His mother argued,
“Hot? It’s cold.” Bill replied, “I guess that’s because you’re just
wearing a dress and I’m wearing a jacket, vest, shirt, and under-
shirt.” Bill’s mother countered with “You’re wearing a jacket,
vest, shirt, undershirt, and a layer of fat.” Bill silently got up
and went to another part of the church.
Bill was wise to not just ignore the nastiness of the com-
ment at the moment. Bill also was wise to avoid arguing with
his mother at the church. His silence spoke volumes. He does
have an ongoing issue with his mother that needs to be
addressed, but the wedding was neither the time nor the place.
His mother got his silent message and later apologized.
Tip #3: Don’t Expect the World to
Communicate in PowerPhrases
Most people do not have good communication skills. If some-
one says something to you that triggers you, ask yourself how
he might have said it more effectively. In your mind, translate
his words into PowerPhrases and respond to the real issue rather
than the issue of how he said it.