How to Use Power Phrases

Poison Phrases 33

Blame is one of the hardest types of Poison Phrases to avoid.
When you are upset with people, it’s easy to assume they deserve
whatever blame you lay on them. Sometimes you are right.
However, if you approach them with blame, it will not be effec-
tive. Avoid saying,

You’re not listening.
You’re not being clear.
You don’t understand.
These phrases put the problem on the other person. Take
ownership of the problem by expressing your part in it with
language-phrases that start with the word “I.”
Instead of

You’re not listening.

say,

I don’t feel heard.

Instead of

You’re not being clear.

say,

I don’t understand.

Instead of

You don’t understand.