Secret #3: Pick Winning Words That Work 57
- to understand the other person
- to express yourself so the other person understands
you, - to problem solve, and
- to relay needed information.
These are obtainable results that won’t backfire.
Listen to people talk and guess what results they are work-
ing toward at any given moment. Better yet, ask yourself what
you are trying to accomplish at any given point in your con-
versations. Let’s look at the process by observing at a situation
I once had.
My son David is a computer genius. He is my computer
guru. He does not relish that role. In fact, he resists when I ask
him for help. One day when David came home from work, I
asked him for help with my computer as soon as he walked in
the door. He immediately turned around and left without a
word.
My thoughts: This kid has an attitude! After all I’ve done
for him, is it asking too much to want a little hel pwith the
computer?
My desire: To get help with the computer and get him to
clean up his attitude.
My chances of success with this agenda: Small to none.
My needed course of action: Get a better goal.
That’s right. I needed to get a better, bigger goal that I could
achieve. My goal was self-directed, one-sided, and likely to cre-
ate resistance. So I decided that my goal would be to dissolve
the tension between us concerning the computer. I guessed that