58 The Six Secrets of PowerPhrases
would include getting my computer fixed and a change of atti-
tude in him but I didn’t assume it would.
I went to him and said,
Can we talk?He said, “If it has anything to do with computers, go away.”
This is not about me trying to get you to fix my com-
puter.David invited me in. I asked him,
How can we dissolve the tension between us around the
computer?His reply?
Mom, it seems like the only thing you ever come to me
for is help with the computer.BUSTED!
Here is where I could easily have become defensive and gone
off track for the results I wanted. Here is where I could have
changed to a goal of defending myself or a goal of blaming
David or a goal of winning. Here is where I had to ask myself
if I was really committed to the goal of dissolving the tension
between us or if I wanted to revert to smaller goals that were
likely to lead to failure. I stayed focused.
I didn’t know that was an issue for you. Would you like
for us to do more things together?