Secret #4: The Power of the Simple Truth 63
but you were afraid to ask directly because you were afraid she
would get upset? Then did you get upset when the printer you
never asked for never came?
Travis didn’t say what he meant to his boss. Travis’s boss
called him into his office and then kept Travis waiting for fif-
teen minutes while he discussed social matters with someone on
the phone. Travis’s coworker, Brent, never had that happen. The
boss asked Travis if he minded waiting. Travis said,
No problem.But he did mind. When he said, “No problem,” he was
thinking about all the work that was waiting for him at his desk.
He felt awkward and humiliated standing there while his boss
joked on the phone about tennis scores. He wished he could
leave, and he didn’t know whether he should sit or stand, or pre-
tend he wasn’t listening. A day earlier, when Brent was faced
with a similar situation, he simply said,
I need to get some work done while I wait for you. I’ll
check back in a few minutes.Brent said what he meant and he followed through. Brent
earned his boss’ respect and Travis did not. Also, Brent is “train-
ing” his boss to be attentive to him when he comes into the
office; Travis is allowing himself to be devalued as an employee
with nothing better to do.
I’ve shared some examples of situations where speakers
watered down their meanings with Respect-Robbing Poison
Phrases. That’s not the only way we avoid the truth. Sometimes
we over-dramatize with Vicious Venom Poison Phrases.
My friend Shelly called me in a panic because her partner