76 The Six Secrets of PowerPhrases
me if I knew then what I know now about communication, but
I do believe it is possible. I dropped the ball and we both paid
the price. I lost Mike, and I also lost myself in the process by
not speaking my truth.
A few months after Mike’s passing, as I was sitting in a
counselor’s office, the counselor asked me, “Whose hand is that
over your mouth? Who is keeping you from speaking?”
I was shocked to realize that I had my hand over my mouth
in a gesture that said, “I must not speak.” I was keeping myself
from speaking. It was not Mike’s hand over my mouth, it was
my own. My responsibility to myself and everyone else in my
life was to get my hand off my mouth and find my voice.
Unlike in school when you fail a test, in life you often get
to do a retake. I got to take a test again about six months after
Mike’s passing.
I was on lunch break from a CPR class. When I went to a
grocery store, in the parking lot a group of people was stand-
ing around an unconscious man. I wondered whether he had
had a heart attack. Maybe he needs CPR. I’m half-trained!
But once again I was afraid to speak. Once again, when my
first attempt to communicate was not heeded, my hand went
up over my mouth. I said in a feeble little voice, “Maybe he
needs CPR.” When no one paid attention to me, I went right
back on mute. When the ambulance finally came, my personal
test was over, and once again I had failed.
I was sick at heart for days. I became even more painfully
aware of how costly my passiveness was. My commitment to
find my voice became stronger. I picked myself back up and I
redoubled my efforts to take that hand off my mouth and to
stand tall and SpeakTall.
I did what many people did. I went from mute to brutal.
My first attempts to give myself a voice were not pretty. I used