buildings, behind desks of their own, where they typed and smoked and made important
telephone calls to important people. These women mystified Mariam. They made her aware
of her own lowliness, her plain looks, her lack of aspirations, her ignorance of so many
things.
Then Rasheed was tapping her on the shoulder and handing her something here.
It was a dark maroon silk shawl with beaded fringes and edges embroidered with gold
thread
"Do you like it?"
Mariam looked up. Rasheed did a touching thing then. He blinked and averted her gaze.
Mariam thought of Jalil, of the emphatic, jovial way in which he'd pushed his jewelry at
her, the overpowering cheerfulness that left room for no response but meek gratitude. Nana
had been right about Mil's gifts. They had been halfhearted tokens of penance, insincere,
corrupt gestures meant more for his own appeasement than hers. This shawl, Mariam saw,
was a true gift.
"It's beautiful," she said.
That night, Rasheed visited her room again. But instead of smoking in the doorway, he
crossed the room and sat beside her where she lay on the bed. The springs creaked as the
bed tilted to his side.
There was a moment of hesitation, and then his hand was on her neck, his thick fingers
slowly pressing the knobs in the back of it. His thumb slid down, and now it was stroking
the hollow above her collarbone, then the flesh beneath it. Mariam began shivering. His
hand crept lower still, lower, his fingernails catching in the cotton of her blouse.
"I can't," she croaked, looking at his moonlit profile, his thick shoulders and broad chest,
the tufts of gray hair protruding from his open collar.
His hand was on her right breast now, squeezing it hard through the blouse, and she could
hear him breathing deeply through the nose.
He slid under the blanket beside her. She could feel his hand working at his belt, at the
drawstring of her trousers. Her own hands clenched the sheets in fistfuls. He rolled on top
of her, wriggled and shifted, and she let out a whimper. Mariam closed her eyes, gritted her
teeth.
The pain was sudden and astonishing. Her eyes sprang open. She sucked air through her
teeth and bit on the knuckle of her thumb. She slung her free arm over Rasheed's back and
her fingers dug at his shirt.