But it did no good, all this fault laying, all these harangues of accusations bouncing in her
head. It was kojr, sacrilege, to think these thoughts. Allah was not spiteful. He was not a
petty God. Mullah Faizullah's words whispered in her head:
Blessed is He in Whose hand is the kingdom, and He Who has power over all things, Who
created death and life that He may try you.
Ransacked with guilt, Mariam would kneel and pray for forgiveness for these thoughts.
Meanwhile, a change had come over Rasheed ever since the day at the bathhouse. Most
nights when he came home, he hardly talked anymore. He ate, smoked, went to bed,
sometimes came back in the middle of the night for a brief and, of late, quite rough session
of coupling. He was more apt to sulk these days, to fault her cooking, to complain about
clutter around the yard or point out even minor uncleanliness in the house. Occasionally, he
took her around town on Fridays, like he used to, but on the sidewalks he walked quickly
and always a few steps ahead of her, without speaking, unmindful of Mariam who almost
had to run to keep up with him. He wasn't so ready with a laugh on these outings anymore.
He didn't buy her sweets or gifts, didn't stop and name places to her as he used to. Her
questions seemed to irritate him.
One night, they were sitting in the living room listening to the radio. Winter was passing.
The stiff winds that plastered snow onto the face and made the eyes water had calmed.
Silvery fluffs of snow were melting off the branches of tall elms and would be replaced in a
few weeks with stubby, pale green buds. Rasheed was shaking his foot absently to the tabla
beat of a Hamahang song, his eyes crinkled against cigarette smoke.
"Are you angry with me?" Mariam asked.
Rasheed said nothing. The song ended and the news came on. A woman's voice reported
that President Daoud Khan had sent yet another group of Soviet consultants back to
Moscow, to the expected displeasure of the Kremlin.
"I worry that you are angry with me."
Rasheed sighed
"Are you?"
His eyes shifted to her. "Why would I be angry?"
"I don't know, but ever since the baby "
"Is that the kind of man you take me for, after everything I've done for you?"