Scott is an excellent example of this. He wrote to me because he wanted help
“getting out of his own head.” He shared that everyone close to him has always
said, “I’m the only thing that is holding me back.” And they are right.
Scott is a PhD student performing research in a physiology lab, he is married,
and he and his wife just had their first child who is “the most beautiful baby boy.”
He described his life like this:
“Everything at home is incredible despite lots of financial stress which would be expected considering that
I’m in school. My issue is that in my daily life, and branching into school/lab work, I have trouble
fulfilling obligations which is starting to become a problem. Basically I put things off continuously
until it reaches the point where I’ve either missed a deadline or it upsets someone.
I have very high expectations for myself and I literally go to sleep every night telling myself that
tomorrow is going to be that fresh start that I need and I’m going to tackle everything with tons of
energy. But then I fail day after day and that confidence in overcoming this by myself is starting to fade.
Basically I don’t feel like I’m living anywhere near my full potential and it’s frustrating.”Reading Scott’s note, you can see that he’s trapped in a vicious cycle of feeling
disappointed in himself. I can totally relate because that’s how I felt as I was
struggling to get out of bed on time. Scott knows what he needs to do (attack the
work and get it done), but he can’t seem to make himself do it.
Scott’s note gives me a chance to explain what’s actually going on when you
procrastinate. He told us that he and his wife are under “a lot of financial stress.” That
financial stress doesn’t feel good. It also explains the reason why he procrastinates
to get temporary relief from the money stress. Remember that when we replace
difficult tasks with doing something easier, we get a temporary mood boost and a
feeling of control.
It seems counterintuitive, but the reason why Scott keeps blowing off the stuff
he needs to do at the lab is because he wants relief from the financial stress he feels
in his life.