Selling Yourself in Negotiations 175
and scream, when everything gets personal and seems insulting—
take a break for a while.
Call time-out.
You need a cooling off period.
If you really believe and agree that you’re never going to get
together, call off the negotiation.
If you do elect to try to keep things going after a break, re-
member a few simple principles:
- You can’t throw a tantrum with your mouth shut.
- You can’t scream, yell, or holler when you’re smiling.
- You can’t fly off the handle with your brows elevated.
Golden rules of negotiating
- Listen.
- Talk about relevant issues that involve the present.
- Avoid past problems.
- Talk about the possible.
- Avoid the impossible or the unlikely.
- Start with those issues likely to lend themselves to early
solutions. - Stick to the agenda items; avoid digressions and detours.
- If an impasse looks likely, table that issue and move on to
the next one. - Watch and be alert and sensitive to timing. If you sense
the time is right for agenda item number four, skip right
to it. - Be courteous; avoid put-downs, insults, insinuations, and
sarcasm. If you must use humor, make it self-deprecating.
Don’t make fun of the other guy; be sensitive to his wants
and needs. - Think and talk alternatives.
- Think and talk creative solutions. Don’t get locked into “do-
ing it this way because that’s the way we’ve always done it.”
I have an interesting theory. When it seems impossible to re-
solve a conflict, when screaming begins, when the other side is dead
wrong and you’re obviously right (and convinced that even your
adversary knows you’re right)—try apologizing. Your overwrought