176 How to Sell Yourself
adversary can’t. So don’t tell the other side it is wrong. It already
knows that.
A positive beginning
Usually, we start a negotiation with what each side “demands,”
wants, or expects. I suggest that each side first sift through the
other’s demands, then go immediately to what’s possible.
That seems revolutionary, but it can really cut out a lot of the
usual garbage.
Are there any areas of give and take that can serve as the real
starting point?
In other words, use the opening moments of a negotiation to
sort out the points on the table to find areas of potential agree-
ment rather than start with the areas of extreme disagreement.
Some helpful questions to ask:- What do we want in common?
- What can we achieve that would put each of us in a
somewhat more advantageous position? - What does each party contribute to the success of the
other? - What can we compromise?
Questions to avoid: - What can I con them out of?
- What can I do or say to get an edge?
- What can I do to intimidate them?
- What do they owe me?
- How am I superior and how can I flaunt that?
- Don’t they realize I can exist without them?
- Why isn’t the other side grateful for all I’ve done for them?
What are our options?
Openly examine the consequences if I give you everything
you’re asking for. Then turn it around and examine the conse-
quences if you give me everything I want.
A lot of problems can be avoided if we understand how ex-
treme the extremes really are. Then we can move into what solu-
tions might work for both sides if compromise is possible.