30 How to Sell Yourself
Still worse, when two people are staring into each other’s eyes,
their concentration is easily broken as they get into the staring
match. Miss Dietrich also suggested to Mr. Stewart that most ac-
tors tend to break up in unexplainable laughter when the contact
is eye to eye. She recommended a place in the center of the head:
the brow, the nose, or the mouth.
Sir Laurence Olivier often yelled at actors working with him,
“Stop looking in my eyes.” It broke his concentration.
Select your own spot
I like to look at the mouth. I’m a lip reader. I believe I hear
you better if I watch you form your words. So I’ll look at your
mouth unless you’re missing two front teeth. In that case, I’ll switch
to your brow, unless there’s an enormous zit up there. Then I’ll
move to your nose, unless there’s a strange object dangling from
one of your nostrils.
What I’m suggesting is that if eye-to-eye contact is stressful
or intimidating or uncomfortable for you, find a place on the face
of the person you’re talking to and stay there. The important point
to remember here is that people you’re talking to are unaware
that you’re not looking them in the eye. Eye contact means to
look at someone. It doesn’t mean to make someone uncomfort-
able by “staring ’em down.”
Avoid bad role models
Again, we’re victims of our role models in this matter.
Very few people find it comfortable to maintain steady eye
contact.
So we glance down. Maybe the floor will help us think.
Or we look up. “Please, Lord, help me out of this situation.”
Or we look side-to-side. “I am not a crook.”
Notice the way attorneys are portrayed in scenes by actors
who’ve researched courtroom behavior. The actor paces and
prances before the jury, arms gesticulating, voice filled with fire
and brimstone, eyes glued to the floor in front of him as he paces,
looking for all the world like the attorney was trained in law school
to hunt for roaches.
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