94 How to Sell Yourself
obnoxious way. The scenarios are endless and constant. And this
doesn’t even include road rage.
This selfish, rude, thoughtless, and inconsiderate “me first”
mindset leads us right into imitating media role models. We struc-
ture our statements and questions exactly the way we’ve seen the
tabloid interviewers do it. Without even being aware of it, we adopt
what I call “the architecture of confrontation”:
- A negative assumption.
- An accusation of wrongdoing.
- A buzzword or buzzwords.
A member of Congress showing off for television cameras in
order to make the evening news doesn’t ask the chemical com-
pany executive, “What actions are you taking to clean up the
environment?” but rather, “Why are you poisoning our air and
water?”
Accusations and confrontation
Sound familiar? It should. It’s what we’re exposed to every
day: people looking not for information, but trying to expose a
scandal or trying to help someone else look bad. Sadly, many of us
have picked up the technique.
Otherwise decent people, mild-mannered folks, gentle souls
become monsters in the public forum. More and more we’re be-
coming a society of inquisitors and crucifiers rather than debaters
and discussers. There was a time when civilized people could talk
about sensitive subjects such as politics, religion, education, abor-
tion, guns, and taxation. Now we’re accusers, yellers, screamers,
and arguers.
If you don’t want confrontation, talk about the weather.
It’s uncomfortable to be around confrontation, whether as a
participant or an observer. When two people are shouting at each
other, seemingly refusing to hear (or I should say listen to) the
other point of view, we’re embarrassed. This is true even if one of
the screamers is representing a view we share.
We’ve become so used to the offensive technique of the loaded
question that we use it ourselves. More often then not, we don’t
even realize we’re doing exactly what we dislike when others do it.