of play, the first of which is that play is apparently purposeless. Basically this means that we play for
the sake of play. We do it because it’s fun and we want to.
Well, this is where my work as a shame researcher comes in. In today’s culture—where our self-
worth is tied to our net worth, and we base our worthiness on our level of productivity—spending
time doing purposeless activities is rare. In fact, for many of us it sounds like an anxiety attack
waiting to happen.
We’ve got so much to do and so little time that the idea of spending time doing anything unrelated
to the to-do list actually creates stress. We convince ourselves that playing is a waste of precious time.
We even convince ourselves that sleep is a terrible use of our time.
We’ve got to get ’er done! It doesn’t matter if our job is running a multimillion-dollar company,
raising a family, creating art, or finishing school, we’ve got to keep our noses to the grindstone and
work! There’s no time to play around!
But Brown argues that play is not an option. In fact he writes, “The opposite of play is not work—
the opposite of play is depression.” He explains, “Respecting our biologically programmed need for
play can transform work. It can bring back excitement and newness to our job. Play helps us deal with
difficulties, provides a sense of expansiveness, promotes mastery of our craft, and is an essential part
of the creative process. Most important, true play that comes from our own inner needs and desires is
the only path to finding lasting joy and satisfaction in our work. In the long run, work does not work
without play.”^2
What’s shocking is the similarity between the biological need for play and our body’s need for rest,
a topic that also emerged as a major theme in Wholehearted living. It seems that living and loving
with our whole hearts requires us to respect our bodies’ need for renewal. When I first researched the
ideas of rest, sleep, and sleep debt—the term for not getting enough—I couldn’t believe some of the
consequences of not getting proper rest.
According to the Centers for Disease Control, insufficient sleep is associated with a number of
chronic diseases and conditions, such as diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and depression.^3 We’re also
learning that drowsy driving can be as dangerous—and as preventable—as driving while intoxicated.
Yet, somehow many of us still believe that exhaustion is a status symbol of hard work and that sleep is
a luxury. The result is that we are so very tired. Dangerously tired.
The same gremlins that tell us we’re too busy to play and waste time fooling around are the ones
that whisper:
“One more hour of work! You can catch up on your sleep this weekend.”
“Napping is for slackers.”
“Push through. You can handle it.”But the truth is, we can’t handle it. We are a nation of exhausted and overstressed adults raising
overscheduled children. We use our spare time to desperately search for joy and meaning in our lives.
We think accomplishments and acquisitions will bring joy and meaning, but that pursuit could be the
very thing that’s keeping us so tired and afraid to slow down.
If we want to live a Wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating sleep and
play, and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.
Making the choice to rest and play is, at best, counterculture. The decision to let go of exhaustion
and productivity as badges of honor made total sense to Steve and me, but putting Wholeheartedness
into practice has been a struggle for our entire family.