(New York: Bantam, 1995). Aaron Beck, noted marriage authority: aron T. Beck, Love Is
Never Enough (New York: Harper & Row, 1988), 202. Says John Gottman: ohn Gottman with
Nan Silver, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (New York: Fireside/Simon & Schuster, 1994), 69.
Elayne Savage, noted family psychologist: layne Savage, Don’t Take It Personally: The Art of
Dealing with Rejection (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 1997). Raymond Knee and his
colleagues:. Raymond Knee, “Implicit Theories of Relationships: Assessment and Prediction of
Romantic Relationship Initiation, Coping, and Longevity,” Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology 74 (1998), 360–370. John Gottman reports: ottman, Why Marriages Succeed or
Fail, 155. And they assign blame to a trait: his has been studied by Raymond Knee, and I have
found this in my work with Lara Kammrath. (See also the work of Frank Fincham.) So once
people with the fixed mindset: he idea that a fixed mindset can undermine relationships is also
found in the work of Roy Eidelson and Norman Epstein, and of Susan Hendrick and Clyde
Hendrick. The idea of criticism—attacking the partner’s personality or character—leading to
contempt is explored in the work of John Gottman. Brenda and Jack were clients: aniel B.
Wile, After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship (New York: John
Wiley & Sons, 1988). The story of Ted and Karen: eck, Love Is Never Enough.“Everything she
says and does”: bid., 36. “She never takes anything seriously”: bid., 36. “What is the mature
thing”: bid., 246. Aaron Beck tells couples: bid., 199. Hillary defended him: illary Rodham
Clinton, Living History (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2003), 465. Through counseling, Bill
came to understand: ill Clinton, My Life (New York: Knopf, 2004); Bill Clinton on The Charlie
Rose Show, June 23, 2004. One evening, Stevie Wonder:. R. Clinton, Living History.Jennifer
Beer studied hundreds of people: ennifer S. Beer, “Implicit Self-Theories of Shyness,” Journal
of Personality & Social Psychology 83 (2002), 1009–1024. See also the excellent work of Phil
Zimbardo on shyness. Scott Wetzler, a therapist and professor: cott Wetzler, Is It You or Is It
Me? Why Couples Play the Blame Game (New York: HarperCollins, 1998). “It doesn’t matter to
me”: bid., 134. At Columbine, the most notorious: rooks Brown and Rob Merritt, No Easy
Answers: The Truth Behind Death at Columbine (New York: Lantern Books, 2002). Brooks
Brown, a classmate: bid. He rejected the fixed mindset: bid., 47. In his own words: bid., 107.
“It’s to use your mind”: bid., 263. “We can just sit back”: bid., 21. Stan Davis, a
therapist: tan Davis, Schools Where Everyone Belongs: Practical Strategies for Reducing
Bullying (Wayne, ME: Stop Bullying Now, 2003). See also Dan Olweus, Bullying at School
(Malden, MA: Blackwell, 1993). “I notice that you have been”: bid., 34. Haim Ginott, the
renowned child psychologist: aim G. Ginott, Teacher and Child (New York: Macmillan, 1972),
- In a New York Timesarticle: ane Gross, “Hot Topic at Summer Camps: Ending the Rule
of the Bullies,” The New York Times, June 28, 2004.
CHAPTER 7. PARENTS, TEACHERS, AND COACHES: WHERE DO
MINDSETS COME FROM? Haim Ginott, the childrearing sage: aim G. Ginott, Between
Parent & Child (New York: Avon Books, 1956), 22–24. Remember chapter 3: his work was
with Claudia Mueller and Melissa Kamins. Ginott tells of Philip: aim G. Ginott, Between
Parent & Teenager (New York: Macmillan, 1969), 88. Children Learn the Messages: his
research was done with Chauncy Lennon and Eva Pomerantz. Here’s a kindergarten boy: his is
from work with Gail Heyman and Kathy Cain: Gail D. Heyman, Carol S. Dweck, and Kathleen
Cain, “Young Children’s Vulnerability to Self-Blame and Helplessness,” Child Development 63
(1992), 401–415. We asked second-grade children: his research was with Gail Heyman: Gail
D. Heyman and Carol S. Dweck, “Children’s Thinking About Traits: Implications for Judgments
of the Self and Others,” Child Development 64 (1998), 391–403. Mary Main and Carol