had to do what she was told. Deep inside herself she had dreams that she could never fulfill because she
did not want to stir up tension or make other people think badly of her.
In order to keep the peace, Mary went along with what her parents demanded of her, but inside herself
she was boiling with rage. When Mary walked into my office that morning, she gave me a beautiful smile
which did not reveal the pain she was feeling inside. She had learned to conceal her inner world from the
outer world. It was not so much the physical pain in her body that hurt her; it was all the bottled-up
frustration, fear and insecurity that threatened the sensitive feelings of love and peace in her heart. The
physical pains merely reminded her of the profound emotional heartache she had been suffering from for
so long. All the endless attempts of suppressing or hiding her true inner feelings during her childhood and
adulthood shaped a personality that eventually required a disease to bring it all to some kind of
conclusion.
Torn between her parents for many years and trying to please both of them, Mary was never bold
enough to make a choice that would please her and her only. The division within her heart sapped all her
energy and happiness. The cancer started in her divided heart, in all the unexpressed grief and frustration
that filled her early life.
It’s All Psychosomatic
Whatever happens in our emotional body also occurs in our physical body. The real cancer is a trapped
and isolated emotion, a feeling of “having no choice.” Through the mind/body connection, any repressed
feelings of wanting and deserving harmony, peace, stability and a simple sense of joy in life are translated
into appropriate biochemical responses in the body. This effectively deprives the body cells of all these
positive qualities as well. Cells are not physical machines that have no feelings, no sense of I-ness, or no
reaction to external or threats. The emotional suffocation caused so much anger and frustration in Mary,
that for fear of not being loved or liked by others, including her parents, she targeted these negative
emotions at her own body. Her ‘toxic’ mind translated into a toxic body, and it threatened Mary’s very
survival. She threatened the cells of her body by keeping her most important thoughts and feelings to
herself.
Whatever you keep to yourself out of fear of being criticized or hurt actually turns into poisons in the
body. These poisons are so strong that if you cried and put your tears on a snakeskin, they would burn
holes into it. Tears of joy, on the other hand, do not have any poison in them.
The constant tension, which Mary experienced during dinnertime at her parental home, had greatly
impaired her digestive functions. Under stress or tension, the blood vessels supplying the organs of the
digestive system become tight and restricted, preventing them to digest even the healthiest of foods.
Furthermore, to eat while you are emotionally upset suppresses the secretion of balanced amounts of
digestive juices. Whenever you feel angry or upset, your bile flora (beneficial bacteria that keep bile
balanced) is altered, which predisposes it to coagulate. Constant emotional strain leads to stone formation
in the bile ducts of the liver and in the gallbladder. The resulting curbed secretion of bile lowers Agni, the
digestive fire. Mary still associates the eating of her meals with the tension she experienced while sitting
at the parental dinner table. Her unconscious attempt to avoid everything that has to do with food and
eating, programs her body to do the same. The body cannot properly digest and absorb foods that are
eaten in a hurry, hence the accumulation of large quantities of toxic waste in her small and large
intestines. Chronic constipation and the poor absorption of nutrients, including fats, calcium, zinc,
magnesium, and vitamins had increasingly depleted and weakened her bone tissue, bone marrow and
reproductive functions.