The Artist's Way

earns its applause. But all of the hoopla falls on deaf ears.
We are dead to it. Our artist is not merely out of sorts. Our
artist has checked out. Our life is now an out-of-body
experience. We’re gone. A clinician might call it
disassociating. I call it leaving the scene of the crime.
“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” we wheedle,
but our creative self no longer trusts us. Why should it? We
sold it out.
Afraid to appear selfish, we lose our self. We become
self-destructive. Because this self-murder is something we
seek passively rather than consciously act out, we are often
blind to its poisonous grip on us.
The question “Are you self-destructive?” is asked so
frequently that we seldom hear it accurately. What it means
is Are you destructive of your self?And what that really asks
us is Are you destructive of your true nature?
Many people, caught in the virtue trap, do not appear to
be self-destructive to the casual eye. Bent on being good
husbands, fathers, mothers, wives, teachers, whatevers, they
have constructed a false self that looks good to the world
and meets with a lot of worldly approval. This false self is
always patient, always willing to defer its needs to meet the
needs or demands of another. (“What a great guy! That Fred
gave up his concert tickets to help me move on a Friday
night....”)
Virtuous to a fault, these trapped creatives have destroyed
the true self, the self that didn’t meet with much approval as
a child. The self who heard repeatedly, “Don’t be selfish!”