The true self is a disturbing character, healthy and
occasionally anarchistic, who knows how to play, how to
say no to others and “yes” to itself.
Creatives who are caught in the Virtue Trap still cannot let
themselves approve of this true self. They can’t show it to
the world without dreading the world’s continued
disapproval. (“Can you believe it? Fred used to be such a
nice guy. Always ready to help me out. Anytime, anyplace.
I asked him to help me move last week and he said he was
going to a play. When did Fred get so cultured, I ask you?”)
Fred knows full well that if he stops being so nice,
Fabulous Fred, his outsized, nice-guy alter ego, will bite the
dust. Martyred Mary knows the same thing as she agrees to
round five of baby-sitting for her sister so she can go out.
Saying no to her sister would be saying yes to herself, and
that is a responsibility that Mary just can’t handle. Free on a
Friday night? What would she do with herself? That’s a
good question, and one of many that Mary and Fred use
their virtue to ignore.
“Are you self-destructive?” is a question that the
apparently virtuous would be bound to answer with a
resounding no. They then conjure up a list proving how
responsible they are. But responsible to whom? The
question is “Are you self-destructive?” Not “Do you appear
self-destructive?” And most definitely not “Are you nice to
other people?”
Nobody objects to a woman being agood writer or