still find depression difficult to speak about because the
experience is so unspeakable. Yet Henri's spirit continues to
call me and many others to more openness and
vulnerability, more shared humanity and mutual healing,
even-and perhaps especially-when the subject is so difficult
that words seem to fail.
My only real fear about publishing these reflections is that
someone may take the wrong counsel from them.
Depression comes in many forms. Some are primarily
genetic or biochemical and will respond only to drugs; some
are primarily situational and will respond only to inner work
that leads to self-knowledge, choices, and change; some lie
in between.
Though I needed medication for brief periods to stabilize
my brain chemistry, my depression was largely situational. I
will tell the truth about it as far as I am able. But what is true
for me is not necessarily true for others. I am not writing a
prescription-I am simply telling my story. If it illumines your
story, or the story of someone you care about, I will be
grateful. If it helps you or someone you care about turn
suffering into guidance for vocation, I will be more grateful
still.
THE MYSTERY OF DEPRESSION
Twice in my forties I spent endless months in the snake pit
of the soul. Hour by hour, day by day, I wrestled with the
desire to die, sometimes so feeble in my resistance that I
"practiced" ways of doing myself in. I could feel nothing