your whole life. One of the most painful discoveries I made
in the midst of the dark woods of depression was that a part
of me wanted to stay depressed. As long as I clung to this
living death, life became easier; little was expected of me,
certainly not serving others.
I had missed the deep meaning of a biblical teaching that
I had always regarded as a no-brainer: "I set before you life
or death, blessing or curse. Therefore, choose life"
(Deuteronomy 30:19). Why, I wondered, would God waste
precious breath on saying something so obvious? I had
failed to understand the perverse comfort we sometimes get
from choosing death in life, exempting ourselves from the
challenge of using our gifts, of living our lives in authentic
relationship with others.
I was finally able to say yes to life, a choice for which I
am grateful beyond measure, though how I found that yes
remains a mystery to me. At one fork in the long road back
to wholeness-when I was in fact walking along a country
road past a freshly plowed field-I found a poem taking form
within me. I offer it, along with my unknowing, as a token
of hope to anyone who may be enduring the harrowing of
depression.
HARROWING