Present Over Perfect

another.
And many of us were utterly unprepared for the true
intimacy required for deep, vulnerable marriage. I’m fine
with partnership and sharing space. I’m a cuddler and a
talker. But when it comes to truly deep connection, I’m just
now building a toolbox with those skills. I feel like I’m
catching up to it, barely. Quick charm will always be easier
for me than deep connection. People out there are easier
than the ones in here.
But quick charm is like sugar—it rots us. It winds us up
and leaves us jonesing, but it doesn’t feed us. Only love
feeds us. And love happens over years, repetitive motions,
staying, staying, staying. Showing up again. Coming clean
again, being seen again. That’s how love is built.
And if you can wean yourself off the drug of quick
charm, off the drug of being good at something, losing
yourself in something, the drug of work or money or
information or marathon training—whatever it is you do to
avoid the scary intimacy required for a rich home life—
that’s when love can begin. But only then. It’s all in here,
not out there.