Present Over Perfect

wanted. But I had to lay them both down, because I needed
to leave this old way of living—jamming things onto the
calendar last minute, clearing away space to write and
connect with my family, only to fill it up at the last minute
with one more event, one more trip, one more conversation
where I couldn’t figure out how to say no and so I said yes,
crammed full of fear and building resentment.
And then a few hours later, the response came: we
understand. We affirm your decision, and we still want to
invite you into this other project, when it’s right for you, in
the way that’s right for you. My no was heard, and it was
valued. I was so close to doing something I didn’t want to
do because I was afraid. I was so close to doing the wrong
thing for my husband and my boys.
But I kept thinking of the man in the tuxedo, who knows
now, because the end is coming, what matters more than
anything.
The no I said today is making space for yes, something I
haven’t had space for in a long time. In recent years, I
started to sense that I was being run by something other than
my own voice and calling, something other than God’s
vision for my life. And I talked and talked about it, but
unfortunately, mostly kept doing things the same old way—
out of habit and fear and that crazy sense that just one more
would be okay, now just one more, now just for him or her,
for an old friend, to help someone out.
But sometimes you need to say not one more time. I
won’t get this wrong again. Today was that day for me. My