Present Over Perfect

It’s about God’s love, about the revolutionary and foreign
idea that I am loved by God, no matter what. Every
Christian learns that early on. But that wild love is a difficult
one to experience, for many of us. For me. I understand
conditions, proving, record-keeping, tallies of grievances
and offenses. I don’t know much about unconditional. I feel
like I’m just beginning to taste it for the first time.
When I pray, I picture a red heart—that perfectly simple
red heart—and in the silence, I am reminded of God’s love,
that it began before I was born, that it will continue far past
the end of my life. Before the day begins—kids, coffee,
toast, little socks, little shoes, deadlines and decisions—
before all that, I close my eyes, and I picture that red heart,
and I remind myself what is true: that God loves me, and
that there’s nothing I can do in this new day to earn more
love—nothing. And also that there’s nothing I can do in this
new day to ruin or break that love—nothing. I can’t imagine
anything more life-changing for an earner like me. That love
is secure no matter what, no matter what, no matter what.
No matter what I do or don’t do, no matter whether I
succeed or fail, no matter if I perform well or fall apart.
When I begin the day drenched in that love—that
centering awareness of my worth and connection to God—
the day is different. I don’t have to scramble or hustle. Fear
dissipates, and what I’m left with is warmth, creativity,
generosity. I can make and connect and create and tell the
truth, because my worth isn’t on the line every time, at
every moment. Unconditional love changes everything. It is