Present Over Perfect

way that I didn’t allow myself to be taken care of by people,
I didn’t know how to let myself be taken care of by God.
Honestly, even that phrase makes me uncomfortable.
But I know that discomfort is often the way through, and
so I began. Picturing the face of Jesus—a person, a friend,
someone who loves me, knows me, sees me. And I began
asking for help for all sorts of things that I didn’t feel I
“deserved” to ask for—energy when I was depleted,
patience when I was spent, courage when I was afraid. And
every time, I’ll be honest, it was uncomfortable, like
anything you’re learning, awkward at first, fumbling.
I have no trouble at all praying for other people. I love to
pray for other people. For big things and small things,
matters of great consequence. But I’m just beginning to get
comfortable once again, after many years of distance, to
pray the contents of my own heart, the needs and longings
of my own spirit. It feels awkward, sometimes. And it feels
life-changing.
I sat with Mary again recently. We prayed together, and
at the end of our time together, she leaned forward and said,
“You’re ready. I can sense it. You’re ready to truly know
Jesus in a deeper way. Start with being. Start with silence.”
She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Be not afraid, my
dear one. He says, ‘Be still and know that I am God.’ Be still
and know. Be still. Be. It starts with ‘be.’ Just be, dear one.”