Stars
What has led me here was not one snap-your-fingers,
before-and-after change. Instead, there have been a
thousand little reasons and voices, whispers and
suggestions. It’s like when you’re walking in Times Square
or Piccadilly Circus, and every few feet someone gives you
a postcard or a leaflet, an invitation to something, a show or
a club. Every few steps, an invitation, then another, then
another, until finally there were so many invitations I could
fan them out like a dealer with a deck of cards on a table in
Vegas, and I realized that my answer to all these invitations
was yes. Yes, I will lay down this frantic way of living. Yes,
I will show up to the event that I’ve been invited to. This
event, of course, is my life.
But for now, I’m learning so much through the silence,
and the space created in its absence. My crazy brain has
always been my gift and my challenge, and I’ve tried
everything to lower the volume in my head, because things
really do get a little loud in there.
What I’m finding, though, is that it’s my job to lower the
volume just enough so my ears don’t bleed, and so that I
can hear the music of my life.
I’m an avoider, an escaper, an anywhere-but-here with