100 The Brothers Karamazov‘with the goodwill,’ I can be of more use than underground.
But what becomes of our hymn from underground? What’s
America? America is vanity again! And there’s a lot of swin-
dling in America, too, I expect. I should have run away
from crucifixion! I tell you, you know, Alexey, because you
are the only person who can understand this. There’s no
one else. It’s folly, madness to others, all I’ve told you of the
hymn. They’ll say I’m out of my mind or a fool. I am not out
of my mind and I am not a fool. Ivan understands about the
hymn, too. He understands, only he doesn’t answer — he
doesn’t speak. He doesn’t believe in the hymn. Don’t speak,
don’t speak. I see how you look! You have already decided.
Don’t decide, spare me! I can’t live without Grusha. Wait till
after the trial!’
Mitya ended beside himself. He held Alyosha with both
hands on his shoulders, and his yearning, feverish eyes were
fixed on his brother’s.
‘They don’t let convicts marry, do they?’ he repeated for
the third time in a supplicating voice.
Alyosha listened with extreme surprise and was deeply
moved.
‘Tell me one thing,’ he said. ‘Is Ivan very keen on it, and
whose idea was it?’
‘His, his, and he is very keen on it. He didn’t come to see
me at first, then he suddenly came a week ago and he began
about it straight away. He is awfully keen on it. He doesn’t
ask me, but orders me to escape. He doesn’t doubt of my
obeying him, though I showed him all my heart as I have
to you, and told him about the hymn, too. He told me he’d