Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 10 ‘To my thinking, you’d better keep quiet, for what can
you accuse me of, considering my absolute innocence? And
who would believe you? Only if you begin, I shall tell every-
thing, too, for I must defend myself.’
‘Do you think I am afraid of you now?’
‘If the court doesn’t believe all I’ve said to you just now,
the public will, and you will be ashamed.’
‘That’s as much as to say, ‘It’s always worth while speak-
ing to a sensible man,’ eh?’ snarled Ivan.
‘You hit the mark, indeed. And you’d better be sensible.’
Ivan got up, shaking all over with indignation, put on his
coat, and without replying further to Smerdyakov, without
even looking at him, walked quickly out of the cottage. The
cool evening air refreshed him. There was a bright moon in
the sky. A nightmare of ideas and sensations filled his soul.
‘Shall I go at once and give information against Smerdyakov?
But what information can I give? He is not guilty, anyway.
On the contrary, he’ll accuse me. And in fact, why did I set
off for Tchermashnya then? What for? What for?’ Ivan asked
himself. ‘Yes, of course, I was expecting something and he
is right... ‘ And he remembered for the hundredth time how,
on the last night in his father’s house, he had listened on the
stairs. But he remembered it now with such anguish that he
stood still on the spot as though he had been stabbed. ‘Yes,
I expected it then, that’s true! I wanted the murder, I did
want the murder! Did I want the murder? Did I want it? I
must kill Smerdyakov! If I don’t dare kill Smerdyakov now,
life is not worth living!’
Ivan did not go home, but went straight to Katerina Iva-